D4 Bad - Power Metal

Hark! Gather ’round, ye lot, for I’ve a tale of woe and rage, ’bout this cursed thing called Diablo 4. Aye, ’twas s’posed to be the grandest lootin’ and plunderin’ since the dragon hoards of olde, but what we got be a slap ’cross the face with a wet fish. First off, the sights – blimey, if me eyes haven’t been scorned by better lookin’ storms at sea! They promised us darkness like the inside of a cow, instead, we got a murky puddle. Even the dungeons, where a brigand’s heart should sing with greed, be as inviting as a tax collector’s smile. And the fightin’, let me tell ye, ’tis like swingin’ yer blade at a ghost. No heft, no weight to the clashes. Swingin’ me axe felt like flailin’ at the air – and not once did I feel the rush of a proper brawl. Lootin’? More like siftin’ through the leavings after a village fair. Me dreams of glorious treasure turned to dust, leaving me to wonder if the real booty was the friends we made along the way. Pah, as if! Then there’s the tellin’ of the tale – or should I say, the muddlin’ of it. A tale so tangled, it makes the Gordian knot look like child’s play. Characters flatter than a stomped pie, babblin’ on in what I reckon they thought was epic banter. But nay, ’twas more like listenin’ to a pair of drunkards argue over who’s turn it is to buy the next round – endless, and with no one care’n who wins. Don’t get me started on tryin’ to band together with other blackguards online. ’Twas supposed to be like joinin’ forces for a grand heist, but all we got was a mess of delays and vanishin’ comrades, as if they’d been snatched by fairies. Made plannin’ a proper raid more a matter of luck than skill. In sum, Diablo 4 be a cursed venture that promised the moon, only to deliver a lump of coal. Aye, we were meant to be regaled with tales of bravery and rich beyond measure, but instead, we’re left sharin’ our sorrows over a pitiful campfire. To the depths with it, I say! Better to return to the honest work of waylayin’ unsuspecting travelers than to suffer through this mockery of adventure.