Natalie’s Rap 2.0 (Uncensored Version)

This is a sequel to the Natalie Rap from SNL (2006): SNL clean version official post: We wrote the song, but this was directed/edited by SNL people in NYC. (We shot Andy in LA). Full story here: LYRICS: INTERVIEW 1 BECK: We’re here today with film star, Natalie Portman. Now Natalie, the last time you were here things got a little out of control. NATALIE: Yeah, well I was going through a really weird time then, but I’ve matured a lot. BECK: Why don’t you fill us in on what it’s like to be you? NATALIE: Okay, ya bish. BECK: I’m sorry, what? VERSE 1 YEAH PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN, PORT-MAN FUCKED YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS BEST FRIEND JUST FOR SPORT-MAN YOU KNOW ITS CLICKBAIT- CLICKBAIT- CLICKBAIT PUT A DILDO ON A SWITCHBLADE-SWITCHBLADE-SWITCHBLADE XANIES DISSOLVING IN MY PINOT MY MAN DANCE BUT HE’S NOT A BALLERINO YEAH, HE TWINKLE HIS TOES BUT HE GIVE ME GOOD D THO WRAP A GOOD BURRITO TIDE PODS ONLY FUCKING THING I SNACK ON BLACK OUT AND GO MUTHA FUCKIN BLACK SWAN MY BRAIN GONE OFF THAT FUCKIN AYAHUASCA, BOY TELL YOUR TOURIST PARENTS I’MA TURN YOU TO A FOSTER BOY INTERVIEW 2 BECK: Wow, gotta say, it seems like you’re almost exactly the same but with current references. NATALIE: Untrue. I’m a mother now. It’s really changed my perspective. BECK: And do you find it difficult juggling kids and career? NATALIE: You can juggle these nuts. BECK: What? VERSE 2 I DON’T DANCE NOW I MAKE MOMMY MOVES WHEN I GAVE BIRTH I DIDN’T E-VEN PUSH I WAS BLAZED OUT/ SMOKIN BOMB KUSH AND WHEN MY WATER BROKE YOU KNOW IT DROWNED THE DOCTOOOOORRR THEY SAY I’M SEX POSITIVE/ HELL YEAH I’M POSITIVE/ THAT YOU’RE GOING DOWN WHILE I’M BUMPING “MY PREROGATIVE” TELL ME WHYYYYY! HA, I GUESS I’M SHOWIN MY AGE NOW BEND OVER AND SPREAD EM CUZ YOU ABOUT TO GET FUCKED KENAN: Damn INTERVIEW 3 BECK: Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, have you seen the new Star Wars movies? NATALIE: No. BECK: Oh well they’re really good. They’re much better then— NATALIE: Better than what? BECK: … Shit-- BRIDGE SAY SOMETHING BOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PREQUELS, BITCH(ALEX: They were good)SAY SOMETHING FUCKIN NICE ABOUT JAR JAR BINKS(ALEX: Uh, he’s tall) NOW KISS HIM RIGHT ON HIS SEVENTEEN DICKS (ALEX: What?!) WHILE I SIT DEAD ON YOUR FACE AND TAKE A SHIT! CARL THE VIKING: OOH NATALIE (NATALIE: YEAH?) PLEASE COME MEET YOUR BABY HE CRIES HIMSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT (NATALIE: THAT LITTLE SHIT AIN’T MINE!) OOH NATALIE (NATALIE: WHAT??) ITS BEEN 12 LONG YEARS (NATALIE: SHUT THE FUCK UP!) AND I’M 7 DAYS SOBER I SWEAR ON HIS LIFE (NATALIE: YOU’RE A MESS, CARL) INTERVIEW 4 BECK: Ok! Well that’s all the time we have. Natalie, one last question: Do you think those “Times Up” pins have had the impact you were hoping for-- NATALIE: How’s that for impact? BECK: Well, actually-- NATALIE :No more questions. (END)