Half in the Bag: Jurassic World Dominion, Thor: Love and Thunder, Top Gun: Maverick

The time has come! Jets! Dinos! Thors! The internet freaked out when Jay and Mike reviewed a handful of rando indie films they probably haven’t heard of. The internet said, “Why does you not talk about The Batman! Or other biggie moopies I seen with my Nanna!? Why you talk about ironic, self-indulgent hipster rubbish?“ They all want Jay and Mike to tell them what to think about movies like Top Gum™, Dino World™, and More Marvel™. Then Mike and Jay talk about More Marvel™ and other such big action films and the internet says, “Why doesn’t you speak of Barbarian? Why doesn’t you go to a dark theater and watch Barbarian and sit next to a creep in a turtle-neck sweater touching himself while he watches Barbarian?“ To this we say: WE DO BOTH! This time in Half in the Bag, Mike and Jay talk about three big summer movies in a year without a summer. Since theaters are now a graveyard that plays 80% old movies from the 80s and 90s, they done wait for the movies to come on streaming to watch them later. Worry not about spoilers as if you has or hasn’t seen these movies yet it doesn’t matter. Fear not those that love indie films! Jay and Mike will return to watch Barbarian or even perhaps Miracle Valley directed by Greg Sestero of The Room on tubu! I, for one, cannot wait to watch more movies on streaming. However, someone tell Hollywood to fill up my Vudu with more titles than just those Geezer Teasers. I know Bruce Willis’s brain no longer works, but if I have to see him in one more fucking movie I’m gonna puke. Same with Mel Gibson. Stop. Just stop. Eventually the grandpas will all be dead and ALL movies will feature the next generation of Movie stars. Guys like Pete Davidson! Ole’ Racoon Eyes will replace ole Blue Eyes as the star of all modern motion pictures. He deserves it. Such talent! And with the charisma of a racoon digging through your trash.