Jimmy and Timmy Have a Cripple Fight in the Parking Lot - SOUTH PARK
To get support, the boys have Jimmy do a stand-up routine. When Timmy refuses to be a volunteer, they fight.
“Cripple Fight“ S05
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EXT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Jimmy and Timmy are marching to the super market with flags and banners that say ’Scouts For Everyone!’ And ’Gay is Okay!’ . Stan leads the march, talking through a megaphone.
STAN
What do we want?
BOYS
Gays in scouts!
STAN
When do we want it?
TIMMY
Timmy!
STAN
What do we want?
BOYS
Gays in scouts!
STAN
When do we want it?
TIMMY
Timmy!
From across the street, Stan and Kenny’s dads watch their boys march.
STAN’S FATHER
Oh no...
ACT THREE
EXT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Jimmy and Timmy are marching to the super market with flags and banners that say ’Scouts For Everyone!’ And ’Gay is Okay!’ . Stan leads the march, talking through a megaphone.
STAN
What do we want?
BOYS
Gays in scouts!
STAN
When do we want it?
TIMMY
Timmy!
They get to the front doors of the grocery store.
STAN
Alright, this looks like the perfect place to get our signatures!
But a little girl is already there, with a box of puppies. We only see the box, never the puppies.
GIRL
Puppies... Puppies for sale.
CARTMAN
Beat it, toots, we’ve got discrimination work to do.
Cartman picks up the box of puppies and tosses them to the side. The girl goes running after the box.
STAN
Alright, let’s set up!
The boys immediately start setting up their little table and microphone.
STAN (CONT’D)
Uh, hi. We’re here to collect signatures and support to force the scouts to accept gays!
But the people just walk past. More people walk by.
STAN (CONT’D)
Hello, gays in the scouts?
Again, stan is ignored.
STAN (CONT’D)
God dammit...
BUTTERS
Hey! Why don’t we have Jimmy do some stand up comedy! Like at our bake sale, very much!
STAN
That’s a great idea!
(Into the mic)
ATTENTION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! Now for your entertainment stand up comic, Jimmy!
Jimmy walks up to the mic.
JIMMY
Wow, what a great audience. For my first joke, I’m gonna need a volunteer. Come on up here, Tim-Tim.
Jimmy pulls out the silly hat.
Timmy gets angry and rolls away. Jimmy runs after him.
JIMMY (CONT’D)
Timmy, when I tell you to do something, you do it.
TIMMY
Timmy!
JIMMY
Timmy, don’t make me kick your ass!
TIMMY
TIMMY!
JIMMY
PUT ON THE HAT!
TIMMY
TIMMY!
JIMMY
PUT IT ON!
Jimmy puts the hat on Timmy and Timmy grabs it and throws it at Jimmy.
STAN
Dude, this looks like it could get ugly.
Timmy and Jimmy circle each other menacingly...
TIMMY
(Making a fist and holding it up)
Timmy, Timmy...
JIMMY
Not this year...
Timmy cracks his knuckles.
TIMMY
(Alright)
Timmy Timmy...
Cartman, Stan, Butters and Kenny watch the fight in horror
CARTMAN
Cripple fight!!!
Timmy and Jimmy continue to circle each other.
JIMMY
Come on. Come on.
TIMMY
Timmy.
INT. CHURCH - DAY
ALL IN ONE SHOT: From the priest’s POV, we see several people sitting in the pews as church organ music plays.
In the background, the huge doors to outside open up with a loud, echoing sound. Cartman is standing there, out of breath.
CARTMAN
CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cartman runs off.
The people all look at each other... And then all at once get up and run out.
INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
In a perspective shot, we see a few isles of people grocery shopping with their carts.
CARTMAN (V.O.)
Attention shoppers outside of the store we have cripple fight. Cripple fight outside.
The people abandon their carts and leave frame.
EXT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
Jimmy and Timmy start to fight.
Stan and Butters watching-
STAN
Jesus Christ, dude.
Behind the boys, several people start to gather.
WOMAN
Oh my God!
MAN
Just let them have it out, Susan, they’ll run out of steam soon.
TIMMY
Timmy, Timmy. Timmy, Timmy. TIMMY!
They exchange blows and Timmy ends up on the ground. Jimmy gives him a hand.
JIMMY
Timmy. Timmy, I told you to put on the hat!
Jimmy punches Timmy again and he falls to the ground.
Jimmy is about to hit Timmy again but timmy hits him in the balls. Jimmy falls.
JIMMY (CONT’D)
You dirty mother fucker!
A big, wide shot. Hundreds of people are gathered to watch the cripple fight. We can’t even see the fight itself, or the others boys, as they are obscured by the mobs of people.
MAN
What’s going on?
MAN 2
Some kind of gay pride rally.
Jimmy and Timmy continue to beat each other senseless.