a morning spent thinking of a life without you

listen on spotify: tonight i walked through a field that used to scare me more than i scared myself and thought of the last time that i felt hopeless sixteen in my fathers car wondering how an artificial light could make me feel so empty and if it looked as dull pouring from street lights as it did shining from my tiny arms on days when the world was too loud and my voice was too small i wish i had known you then about your mind and how it perfectly mimics my own or how good it felt to lie in this field knowing it was never death that interested me it was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere but here and you thanked me for curing you for saving your life when you thought nobody could and reminding you that people are worth loving and worth holding onto but i’m left with a knot in my chest asking why this feels so much like leaving and letting go treat me like a stained mattress res