crazy chick

Chris Parnell: We’re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman: Hello. Parnell: So, Natalie, what’s a day in the life of Natalie Portman like? NP: Do you really want to know? Parnell: Please, tell us. I don’t sleep mother fu__er off that ’gnac and that bourbon doin’ 120 gettin high while I’m swervin Seth Meyers: Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick Yo shut the fu__ up and suck my di__ I bust in dudes mouths like gushers motherfu__er roll up on NBC and smack the sh__ out Jeff Zucker Guys: What you want, Natalie? NP: to drink and fight! Guys: what you need, Natalie? Guys: to fu__ all night! Don’t test me when I’m crazy off that airplane glue put my foot down your throat till you sh__ in my shoe leave you screaming pay for my dry cleaning fu__ you man It’s my name that he’s screamin’ Parnell: I’m sorry, Natalie, are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated? NP: I never said I was a role model. Parnell: But what about the kids who look up to you? Do you have a message for them? All the kids lookin up to me can suck my di__ It’s Portman mother fu__er drink till I’m sick slit your throat and pump nitrous down the hole watch you laugh and cry while I laugh you die and all the Jews you know I’m talkin to you Guys: we love you Natalie! I wanna fu__ you too! P is for Portman P is for pu__y I’ll kill your fu__in dog for fun so don’t push me Parnell: Wow. Natalie, I’m surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate. NP: Well there’s a lot you may not know about me. Parnell: Really? Such as? When I was in Harvard I smoked weed every day I cheated every test and snorted all the yay I gotta def posse You got a buncha dudes I sit right down on your face and take a sh__ Andy Samberg: Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch