Lilac & Lotus: Against Myself (Official Video)

Director: Derek Moffat Recorded, Mixed, & Mastered by Derek Moffat, Lyrics: I find it hard to look back at the past, whiplash all of the empty choices I’ve had I lie awake at night Wonder what it’d be like to take my life make it alright So even if I try now to tear my roots off the ground my history still haunts me and knowing one day I’ll die So I ask myself, why? Is this the new normal for me? So can you give me some peace of mind? Can you heal all the pain inside? I’ve been abused and abandoned so many fucking times I’m fighting a war against myself and every time It keeps killing me slowly inside I’m tired of waiting to be revived You can’t see it but I’m dead on the inside Many others have stories like mine Searching for things that money cannot buy Peace, solace, an escape route to destroy every ounce of my doubt and heal my wounds to escape this hell So even if I try now to tear my roots off the ground my history still haunts me and knowing one day I’ll die So I ask myself, why? Is this the new normal for me? I’m falling from a fault line or maybe it’s just the fault that’s mine So can you give me some peace of mind? Can you heal all the pain inside? I’ve been abused and abandoned so many fucking times I’m fighting a war against myself and every time It keeps killing me slowly inside I’m so impulsive, self-destructive I can’t help it, I’ve made it a habit I know it’s selfish chasing down substance I just wanna feel something that’s real That’s real Just feel something that’s real These demons I can no longer conceal Destroying everything inside I just need some peace of mind No more pain on the inside I’ve been abused and abandoned so many fucking times I’m fighting a war against myself and every time It keeps killing me slowly inside