Uncle Jimbo explains how to get around hunting laws by pretending every animal is an imminent threat.
“Volcano“ S01
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EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS, JUST OUTSIDE OF SOUTH PARK - DAY
The boys follow Jimbo and Ned, each holding rifles that are
WAY to big for them, a can of beer and a cigarette.
STAN
My Uncle Jimbo says that after this, he’s
gonna take me hunting in Africa!
KYLE
Wow, that’d be cool!
CARTMAN
My mom says there’s a lot of black people
in Africa.
JIMBO
Boys! Lookie there!
A cute, fuzzy little black bear sits in a nearby clearing,
licking its paws.
JIMBO
That there’s a Rocky Mountain Black Bear.
One of the few remaining of its kind.
Isn’t it beautiful?
The bear just sits there and blinks.
JIMBO
My God it’s coming right for us!!!
Jimbo whips out his huge rifle and shoots the bear dead.
Stan can’t believe his eyes.
STAN
Hey! It wasn’t coming right for us! It
was just sitting there!
JIMBO
SHHH! Not so loud!! Now that there’s just
a technicality.
KYLE
What d’ya mean?
JIMBO
You see boys, the Democrats have passed a
lot of laws trying to stop us from
hunting.
CARTMAN
Democrats piss me off!
JIMBO
They say we can’t shoot certain animals
anymore unless they’re posing an
immediate threat. Therefore, before we
shoot something, we have to say; “It’s
coming right for us!“
STAN
Wow, you’re smart, Uncle Jimbo!
NED
(pointing)
Jimbo LOOK!
A beautiful little doe comes over the hill.
JIMBO
Oh, it’s a deer. Looks like about a 46
gauge, Ned.
Ned pulls out a HUGE bazooka and hands it to Jimbo like a
golf caddy. Jimbo props the bazooka on his shoulder. The
boys and Ned jump on the ground commando style.
JIMBO
IT’S COMIN’ RIGHT FOR US!!!
The beautiful little doe looks on peacefully right where she
is.
BOOM!!! Jimbo fires the bazooka at the doe and totally
obliterates it into a million bloody little pieces.
CARTMAN
Kick ass!
But Stan looks sad.
JIMBO
Did ya see that? I was imperiled by that
ferocious charging buck!
NED
Rabbit, rabbit five o’clock!!!
Over the ridge is a little bunny rabbit.
JIMBO
Let’s move! MOVE!!!
Jimbo hits the ground and starts crawling on his belly. All
the boys follow suit.
STAN
Is this hunting?
KYLE
I guess so.
The group crawls onward, holding their guns out in front of
them.
CARTMAN
Oh, dude... I’m starting to have
flashbacks!
KYLE
What?
CARTMAN
Danforth! Pull up flank, look out for
Charlies up in the trees!
The group scampers up to the top of ridge. Ned hands Stan a
big-ass double-barrel shotgun.
JIMBO
This one’s yours, Stan!
Stan uncomfortably takes the gun, hitches it up on his
shoulders and looks over the barrel. The little cute bunny
looks up, sees Stan and smiles. Stan gulps.
JIMBO
’It’s comin’ right for us’!
NED
“It’s coming right for us“!
Stan takes a deep breath and is about to pull the trigger
when the bunny gives him just the cutest little twitch of his
cute little nose.
KYLE
Shoot it, Stan!
CARTMAN
I got your back, soldier!
Stan looks over the barrel again, takes another deep
breath...
STAN
I can’t...
Stan lowers the gun. The little rabbit dashes off into the
woods.
JIMBO
What the-- What’s wrong with you?!
STAN
I don’t wanna shoot the bunny.
JIMBO
(shocked)
What the hell are you talking about, you
don’t want to shoot the bunny?
You’re babbling, you’re not making any
sense! You’re hysterical!
STAN
I’m not hysterical. I just don’t want to
shoot the bunny.
JIMBO
No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree
hugger!
CARTMAN
Yeah, hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you
can’t shoot anything!
STAN
I can shoot you fat ass!
CARTMAN
I can shoot you too.
STAN
I’ll kill you!
CARTMAN
I’ll fill you full of lead.
Establish shot of volcano rumbling.
KYLE
Hey, what’s that????