When Stan reveals that he thinks the election is stupid, Diddy shows up and threatens that if he doesn’t vote, he’s gonna die.
“Douche and Turd“ S08
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#SouthPark #SouthParkS08
INT. STAN’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Stan’s family is peacefully sitting down to dinner. Mom is
standing, just setting a casserole down on the table.
STAN’S MOTHER
(with a little laugh)
How was school today, Stanley?
STAN
It was ridiculous. We have to have a
new school mascot and we’re supposed to
vote between a giant douche and a turd
sandwich.
Stan’s parents look at each other.
STAN’S MOTHER
What did you say?!
STAN’S FATHER
Did you just say that VOTING is
ridiculous?!
STAN
No, I think voting is great. But if I
have to choose between a douche and a
turd, I just don’t see the point.
STAN’S FATHER
You don’t see the point. Oh you young
people just make me sick!
STAN’S MOTHER
Stanley, do you know how many people DIED
so you could have the right to vote?!
STAN
I’m just saying that to me a douche is
just as bad as a turd, so I don’t care.
STAN’S FATHER
YOU DON’T CARE?! You really want a TURD
SANDWICH as your SCHOOL mascot! On your
FOOTBALL HELMETS?! A TURD?!
STAN’S MOTHER
Well, hold on, Randy, I think a turd
sandwich is a LITTLE better than them
having a giant douche on their uniforms!
STAN’S FATHER
You’re crazy! A douche is at least
CLEAN.
STAN’S MOTHER
It’s sexist is what it is!
STAN’S FATHER
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE ISSUES,
SHARON!!!
STAN’S MOTHER
ARE YOU CALLING ME IGNORANT?!
STAN’S FATHER
IF YOU THINK THE SCHOOL MASCOT SHOULD BE
A TURD SANDWICH YOU’RE NOT EXACTLY
EINSTEIN!!!
STAN’S MOTHER
I AM SICK OF YOU BELITTLING MY OPINION
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Stan’s mom picks up a vase and launches it across the room
at Stan’s dad who just manages to duck out of the way.
SHELLEY
I HATE THIS FAMILY!! I HATE IT!!!!
Shelley runs out of the dining room.
Stan just sits there at the table alone with Grandpa who is
quietly eating.
The doorbell rings.
Stan walks over to the door. When he opens it, he sees Puff
Daddy standing with his bodyguards.
STAN
Puff daddy?
PUFFY
Your friend Kyle told me you don’t
understand the importance of voting.
STAN
I...
PUFFY
Apparently you haven’t heard of my ’VOTE
OR DIE’ campaign.
STAN
Vote or die... What the hell does that
mean?
Puffy pulls out a gun and cocks it.
PUFFY
What you think it means BITCH?
STAN
AAAGHGHH!!!!
Stan runs away.
EXT. STAN’S HOUSE - DAY
Stan runs down the street as puffy and his bodyguards, all
holding guns, chase him down and sing.
PUFFY AND BACKUPS
VOTE OR DIE MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER
VOTE OR DIE!
INT. CONVERTIBLE
Puffy is in the passenger seat
PUFFY
Rock the vote or else I’m gonna stick a
knife through your eye.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET
Stan is running toward camera as Puffy’s convertible chases
him down.
PUFFY AND BACKUPS
Democracy is founded on one simple rule:
INT. CONVERTIBLE
Puffy’s in the passenger seat
PUFFY
Get out there and vote or I will mother
fucking kill you
INT. POLLING AREA - DAY
Puffy is standing in a voting center, with some tables and
polling booths with a line of adults waiting to vote. He
has his hands all over a slutty black chick who is trying to
write stuff down on paper.
PUFFY
YEAH, I LIKE IT WHEN YOU VOTE BITCH
INT. RED WHITE AND BLUE SET
Puffy is letting another girl grind up against him.
PUFFY
SHAKE THEM TITTIES WHEN YOU VOTE, BITCH
INT. WHITE SET
Puffy has his head between the shaking asses of two chicks.
PUFFY
I’ll slam my jimmy through your mouth
roof.
INT. POLLING AREA - DAY
Another shot where Puffy slaps the ass of another slutty
woman as she heads inside the polling booth.
PUFFY
Now get your big ass in the pollin’
boof.
Just a music video shot of puffy with an all white
background.
PUFFY (CONT’D)
I said VOTE, BITCH, or I’ll fucking kill
you.
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